Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
