I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
