Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
