Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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