Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dick very happy bro
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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