someone get that fucking seahorse.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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