Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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