Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
