That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
