you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
