she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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