1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
