Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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