We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize