I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
