I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
