The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is it penis luge time yet?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
