Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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