If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
