i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
