the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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