I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize