did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
