I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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