jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I will be naked everywhere
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
