Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
