I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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