Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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