when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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