Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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