Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You've changed since you got that strap on
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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