I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we're making bets on your personal life
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
