I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
