Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
