the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
