I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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