So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
