No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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