Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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