My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
