$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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