plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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