smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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