Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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