like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
and she was petting her beer can
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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