I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
