he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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