I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
