you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
