the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
