new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
