I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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