You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
