I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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