wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
