Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
why is half of my head shaved?
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