I hate your face
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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