the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
