to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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