consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
