I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
