bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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