I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
