She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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